We are members of a fairly progressive
Methodist Church which is currently evaluating a move to become a “Reconciling”
Methodist Church. Basically, this
would involve a vote to accept this change by the local congregation: achieving LGBTQIA+ justice and full
inclusion in the life and ministry of the United Methodist Church, both in
policy and in practice. This is
a big step, and one that I fully support, but obviously there are some questions.
Yesterday morning, as I waited to
assist with a Sunday School class, an older woman (and considering my current
age, when I say “Older,” you can assume she’s well past the age of 80) was
asking about the change. At first, she
said that she was fine with people being “who they are,” but then she said “I
just don’t know why they’ve started up with all these Gay Pride parades? Why do they need that?”
A member of the staff responded, very
politely, that Gay Pride parades have been around for a long time, and like
many other celebrations of minorities and lifestyles, it’s a way to share pride
with each other and make it clear that they have a voice.
The woman seemed to have not absorbed
that at all, and then said, “Did you know there are books about Trans people in
the children’s section of the Public Library?
My daughter told me. I don’t
think that’s right.”
At that point, I stepped in. “I think there’s a lot of disinformation
about that,” I told her. “A lot of
people say that those are trying to indoctrinate children and make them gay or
trans, but really they are only a way to help children that might be dealing
with their own questions to know they aren’t alone.”
She shook her head. “They shouldn’t be exposed to that. They shouldn’t hear about that until they
are an adult. Young people shouldn’t be
allowed to change themselves. Their
brains aren't developed enough to make the decision.”
The staffer responded, “But they can’t
just change themselves. It’s a very
long process of therapy and discussion before any physical changes are made,
and that doesn’t happen with children.”
“They shouldn’t even be discussing it
until they are 21. Their brains aren’t
ready,” the woman said.
“I agree about the brains not being
fully developed,” I said, “but in this country we have no problem letting teens drive at 16, fight in a war at 18 and buy guns at 18. We should at least let young people have
the discussion.”
She then said, “What’s wrong with
people now? We didn’t have this when I
was younger.”
I replied, “You didn’t hear
about it when you were younger. I
didn’t either, but that was because we were sheltered. That doesn’t mean others weren’t dealing
with the confusion alone. There was
still depression and possible suicide.
That’s what we are trying to avoid.
Let these young people know they aren’t alone and they can talk about
it.”
She didn’t like our answers, and
walked away, grumbling.
Since yesterday, I have thought of a
lot of things I wished I had said. I
wish I had told her that I had read lots of books when I was younger. I read books about Firemen, Policemen,
Astronauts and Big Red Dogs, yet somehow, I turned out not to be any of those
things.
I wish I had told her that we should
stop assuming everyone is the same, and that we all have to fit into some specifically
designed box. I vividly remember girls I
attended school with who were called “Tomboys,” and boys who were considered
“effeminate” (and the various and vulgar names they were called). I wonder now how many were dealing with difficult,
lonely, tortured questions about their sexuality or gender. I now understand that there were likely
others, who showed no outward signs but could have also been dealing with questions. It hurts me to know that I was part of the
culture and society that told them that they could not be themselves, or worse
that they were “broken” or an “aberration.” Saying, “I didn’t know any better” hardly
seems good enough.
I hesitate to go down this path, but despite my recent “deconstruction” and
“wokeness,” I am still somewhat attuned to the mindset of my religious
upbringing. It might help me make the
following argument (which many, including myself, might find offensive) to
those who believe in the absolute infallibility of God: Just as you would accept that a child born
with a disease or a physical ailment, why can you not accept that God would
make someone that does not match their Gender identity? Would you not have compassion for a child
born with a Cleft Palate? Would you not
encourage that child to better their life by correcting the problem, possibly
by surgery?
Please do not make the assumption that
I see any LGBTQ as “broken” or “afflicted with an ailment.” I do not.
But for those who have Gender
dysphoria, which is classified
as “the clinically significant distress or impairment related to a strong
desire to be of another gender,” there can be a medical treatment (if they
choose).
There
is that word that so many have a problem with…Choice. While everyone wants it for themselves, they
want to limit it for those who they either don’t understand, don’t want to
understand or simply don’t agree with. It
always comes down to “choice,” which in a nation founded and constantly
bragging about “Freedom,” rarely comes without a high degree of judgment.
